Well, it's finally happened. Four years later than we had envisaged. But it's happened. Friday afternoon, we sailed into full-time ministry!! No more "Logos Hope - construction zone"! WOO HOO! After a smooth 17 hour sail, we pulled up to an icey berth in Gothenbourg, Sweden. There were islands and lighthouses and shorelines and bays all covered in layers of white on each side of us...so beautiful. It's a very unusual feeling to be watching all this unfamilier beauty unfold out the window as I work on a pumpkin soup! We sluiced through this giant slushy and pulled into the queyside, and by night time, it had built it'self a new layer of ice all around us again! It looks insane to see the sun glaring off the ice and snow, and our ship sitting in the middle of it all!
Last night there was more snow falling than I've ever seen, and it was knee depth within a few hours! I even took the galley garbage out to the skip in my t-shirt with this crazy snow swirling all around! It was so crazy! Then the captain announced a giant snowfight. So war was declared on the queyside, and I even managed to score snow up my nose...then we ran inside and had ICECREAM! And hot pancakes and delicious syrupy hot chocalate...it was SO good.
Plus, I got to make history by being in the first official-ministry-phase-Logos-Hope team! We headed off to a drug rehab at 1pm Friday, and presented the ship ministry to these guys, then sat around and chatted for a few hours. One guy was really touched and shared his whole long story with us of being a bully and a nazi and a druggie and in and out of lock up and how he didn't believe in God. But after sharing his life, he realised how many times he should have died and didn't, and it surprised him. He's only 22. I don't know where he stands with God right now, but he told me that if God can heal his Hep C, then he won't be able to help but believe in Him. He has an appointment in 3 weeks. If you want, you can pray for healing or for God to reveal himself. He's a lovely guy. His name's Yohan.
That would be sweet.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Engine room again
Had some fun scrubbing bilge tanks again...this time it was just their tops though...a much cleaner job!
BEFORE:
...and after...
Still working on the video to send home to all of you. Nearly finished... xxx
Noisy mind
"Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack,
A crack in everything
That's how the light gets in."
Leonard Cohen
Mum says I don't have to be perfect.
I'm allowed to get things wrong and screw things up and make a royal mess as I do life.
It used to be my biggest revelation when I first came back to God. But now I find myself having to relearn it. I want to get it all right. I want people to not look at me and see a mess. Or a fragile Christian. I want to be ok. I want people to think I'm worth listening too. I want to be stable and sure and "together".
But I'm not really.
Maybe it's a weak phase.
My nightmares bought back a lot of thoughts which I hadn't dwelt on in a long time. I was going to die because I couldn't breathe. He just walked into me - like, melted into me - all thick black evilness, and it was stuck inside me - all through everything of me. And I couldn't get the evil out. But I knew I'd let it in. Like I was super-evil-absorbant. Like I just allowed it to seep into me - passively - cos nothing in me was thick enough or strong enough or ANYTHING enough to put up a fight. And there was so much shame I could taste it.
One night after it woke me, I tried to sing some verses I'd been given. To fight. Voices joined in. Out loud. They didn't stop when I stopped. They laughed at my fear from across the prayer room, and mocked me with this terrifying, dangerous mockery. I ran back to my room -had a shower -pulled on some clothes - and wandered the streets until 7am. Then I caught the train. The streets were terrifying. Full of moving shapes and dark things waiting ahead which seemed to move into the allys and hedges. I was so scared my brain felt like it was full of acid - burning heat. I was so full of terror of the darkness. I couldn't get off that train until it's second trip up the line.
My nightmares are fading now. They aren't so powerful. But they stirred up so many left over memories. And I'm to tired to deal with them. They wear me out. Mum says each deep thought can only be given 5 minutes each day. She's a wise woman. My mind loves to analyse and chew and dig to the roots of every thought it comes across. With so many thoughts, life gets pretty stressful. Brain overload. But thankfully, it can't get into too much of a knot with only 5 minutes.
Back to the simple things. God. Music. Ocean. People.
Yeh.
Thanks for praying. Or for caring enough to feel bad for me. Your letters made me feel pretty loved.
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack,
A crack in everything
That's how the light gets in."
Leonard Cohen
Mum says I don't have to be perfect.
I'm allowed to get things wrong and screw things up and make a royal mess as I do life.
It used to be my biggest revelation when I first came back to God. But now I find myself having to relearn it. I want to get it all right. I want people to not look at me and see a mess. Or a fragile Christian. I want to be ok. I want people to think I'm worth listening too. I want to be stable and sure and "together".
But I'm not really.
Maybe it's a weak phase.
My nightmares bought back a lot of thoughts which I hadn't dwelt on in a long time. I was going to die because I couldn't breathe. He just walked into me - like, melted into me - all thick black evilness, and it was stuck inside me - all through everything of me. And I couldn't get the evil out. But I knew I'd let it in. Like I was super-evil-absorbant. Like I just allowed it to seep into me - passively - cos nothing in me was thick enough or strong enough or ANYTHING enough to put up a fight. And there was so much shame I could taste it.
One night after it woke me, I tried to sing some verses I'd been given. To fight. Voices joined in. Out loud. They didn't stop when I stopped. They laughed at my fear from across the prayer room, and mocked me with this terrifying, dangerous mockery. I ran back to my room -had a shower -pulled on some clothes - and wandered the streets until 7am. Then I caught the train. The streets were terrifying. Full of moving shapes and dark things waiting ahead which seemed to move into the allys and hedges. I was so scared my brain felt like it was full of acid - burning heat. I was so full of terror of the darkness. I couldn't get off that train until it's second trip up the line.
My nightmares are fading now. They aren't so powerful. But they stirred up so many left over memories. And I'm to tired to deal with them. They wear me out. Mum says each deep thought can only be given 5 minutes each day. She's a wise woman. My mind loves to analyse and chew and dig to the roots of every thought it comes across. With so many thoughts, life gets pretty stressful. Brain overload. But thankfully, it can't get into too much of a knot with only 5 minutes.
Back to the simple things. God. Music. Ocean. People.
Yeh.
Thanks for praying. Or for caring enough to feel bad for me. Your letters made me feel pretty loved.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Christian Girl
Gotta fit this missionary club
Fit this mould
This mould of Christian Culture and language.
I'm too bloody familier with it to be the least bit comfortable.
I don't want to use worn out
Dried up
Whithered old words
Which have completely lost their meaning
After a lifetime of hearing and not understanding...
Far off airy fairy concepts which were beyond me as a kid,
And seemed to stay in that first impression box of “too hard to grasp” as the years rolled by;
Yet the words come so familier to my tongue
If my brainwashed mind recognises the right context...
GIVE ME REALITY!
Give me REAL life God!
Please.
I can't hack this intangible
Ungraspable
Spiritual
Floaty sensationalism.
Give me something true and real and thick and solid to hold onto and not let go of.
I'm babbling and drifting with my mind.
Are You following?
Do you care?
You can hear my mind every second.
Why do you want to hear what You already know?
You must get so bored God, knowing everything already.
I don't get it.
Fit this mould
This mould of Christian Culture and language.
I'm too bloody familier with it to be the least bit comfortable.
I don't want to use worn out
Dried up
Whithered old words
Which have completely lost their meaning
After a lifetime of hearing and not understanding...
Far off airy fairy concepts which were beyond me as a kid,
And seemed to stay in that first impression box of “too hard to grasp” as the years rolled by;
Yet the words come so familier to my tongue
If my brainwashed mind recognises the right context...
GIVE ME REALITY!
Give me REAL life God!
Please.
I can't hack this intangible
Ungraspable
Spiritual
Floaty sensationalism.
Give me something true and real and thick and solid to hold onto and not let go of.
I'm babbling and drifting with my mind.
Are You following?
Do you care?
You can hear my mind every second.
Why do you want to hear what You already know?
You must get so bored God, knowing everything already.
I don't get it.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Sorry. I got lazy.
It's been a long time. Sorry. I got lazy. I'll try to be more regular.
It's the "Christmas Around the World" festival on board at the moment. We've had LOADS of visitors, and I think your prayers for Denmark have really been working!! People aren't freaked out by us so much anymore! We had an official opening involving LOTS of important people and ambassadors from around the world, and since then, the Danes have been following suit with 100s of visitors every weekend, despite the freezing horrible weather. And so many have commented on the sense of peace they feel when coming onboard, or the joy they see in the faces around them. They've also been surprised by the family feeling. One man can't get enough. He feels like he's finally back home after leaving his country and family last year. He feels so accepted and at-home here. It's pretty amazing considering how many thousands of faults we all have, which are mirrored constantly to us by our brothers and sisters at work or in life...I get amazed sometimes that God uses people like us. Strange.
We also had Jessy Dixon on board for a gospel concert the other night. Quite a big turn out. Despite a series of unfortunate events and a very unfortunate local choir...(VERY unfortunate ability-wise)...it went really well, and the Danes LOVED it.
Things are really starting to happen now. The ship is almost ready to plunge into "ministry phase". I dunno if the people are! We are all totally inexperienced. None of us have learnt from older crew members because the Logos Hope history hasn't yet included a ministry phase! So I think it's going to be a bit of a wild time for us. But hey. Whatever. We're up for that. I guess it will shine God's glory even more when things actually go well, because that will be a bit of a miracle!
I'm not doing great right now. I'm angry and I'm having nightmares. I have to forgive someone who I really hate. And I'm mad at God for putting that conviction so heavy on my heart, and having people reflect the same thing makes me even madder.
It's not like I don't love God. I'm just mad. That's an easy comfy emotion for me.
Anyway, here's a song I wrote a month back when I wasn't so mad. Maybe I should sing it again, and I'd stop being so hard in my heart.
Lover,
Put your head against my chest
Listen to my heatbeat
In me you'll find your rest
Lover
Put your head against my chest
Listen to my heartbeat
In me you'll find your rest
Beautiful
Oh beautiful
You are my child
Beautiful
Oh beautiful
You are my child
Lover
Cling tightly to my hand
I know I'm unpredictable
but just trust me if you can
Lover
Cling tightly to my hand
I know I'm unpredictable
but just trust me if you can
Lover
I'm wild over you
I died as your protector
Please say you love me too
Lover
I'm just wild over you
I died as your protector
Please say you love me to
Come
With me
Come into my glory
Come
With me
Let me hold you tenderly
Child come with me
Come into my glory
Come
With me
Let me hold you tenderly...
It's the "Christmas Around the World" festival on board at the moment. We've had LOADS of visitors, and I think your prayers for Denmark have really been working!! People aren't freaked out by us so much anymore! We had an official opening involving LOTS of important people and ambassadors from around the world, and since then, the Danes have been following suit with 100s of visitors every weekend, despite the freezing horrible weather. And so many have commented on the sense of peace they feel when coming onboard, or the joy they see in the faces around them. They've also been surprised by the family feeling. One man can't get enough. He feels like he's finally back home after leaving his country and family last year. He feels so accepted and at-home here. It's pretty amazing considering how many thousands of faults we all have, which are mirrored constantly to us by our brothers and sisters at work or in life...I get amazed sometimes that God uses people like us. Strange.
We also had Jessy Dixon on board for a gospel concert the other night. Quite a big turn out. Despite a series of unfortunate events and a very unfortunate local choir...(VERY unfortunate ability-wise)...it went really well, and the Danes LOVED it.
Things are really starting to happen now. The ship is almost ready to plunge into "ministry phase". I dunno if the people are! We are all totally inexperienced. None of us have learnt from older crew members because the Logos Hope history hasn't yet included a ministry phase! So I think it's going to be a bit of a wild time for us. But hey. Whatever. We're up for that. I guess it will shine God's glory even more when things actually go well, because that will be a bit of a miracle!
I'm not doing great right now. I'm angry and I'm having nightmares. I have to forgive someone who I really hate. And I'm mad at God for putting that conviction so heavy on my heart, and having people reflect the same thing makes me even madder.
It's not like I don't love God. I'm just mad. That's an easy comfy emotion for me.
Anyway, here's a song I wrote a month back when I wasn't so mad. Maybe I should sing it again, and I'd stop being so hard in my heart.
Lover,
Put your head against my chest
Listen to my heatbeat
In me you'll find your rest
Lover
Put your head against my chest
Listen to my heartbeat
In me you'll find your rest
Beautiful
Oh beautiful
You are my child
Beautiful
Oh beautiful
You are my child
Lover
Cling tightly to my hand
I know I'm unpredictable
but just trust me if you can
Lover
Cling tightly to my hand
I know I'm unpredictable
but just trust me if you can
Lover
I'm wild over you
I died as your protector
Please say you love me too
Lover
I'm just wild over you
I died as your protector
Please say you love me to
Come
With me
Come into my glory
Come
With me
Let me hold you tenderly
Child come with me
Come into my glory
Come
With me
Let me hold you tenderly...
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Sabbath Week
We went exploring yesterday. We grabbed some food and hammocks, and just started walking. After crossing two sets of railway tracks, fighting our way through thick patches of Stinging Nettles, being yelled at by a Danish farmer for wandering through his paddock of sheep, and Pete being stung by a bee on his nipple, we eventually found ourselves in the middle of a very big and incredibly beautiful forest. It had spongy pine needles lining the floor, and giant trees reaching up to the sky. It was as if I'd walked onto the scene of Little Red Riding Hood! So dark and cool and I guess, other-worldly, at least to a West Australian Aussie such as myself!
We strung up the hammocks, then lay back and listened to stories by Rudyard Kipling, read in a wonderful real life, deep Pommy voice...And we stayed like this for hours. It was so lovely and relaxing. I feel so at comfy and "at-home" when people read me stories.
Finding a new way home which didn't involve the farmer's property was a whole new adventure! Let's just say, my legs are still screaming for mercy...but it was a very beautiful walk.
Sabbath Week is just what we all really needed I think. We have church each morning, and free time from lunch, then a night session. Excellent teachers. They're Scottish missionaries who live in Turkey. And they're pretty wise.
Friday is the LogOscars! (Get it? Logos Oscars?) Heaps of people have made short movies over the last few months to present for a LogOscar tomorrow night! We're all getting really dressed up, having a very special dinner, and watching them together...I have a feeling it's going to be a REALLY funny night!
Thanks for your emails lately. I just LOVE hearing from you. It makes my day, even when the news isn't great. I love being a part of your lives, even though I'm in Denmark, and you're Down Under...xx
We strung up the hammocks, then lay back and listened to stories by Rudyard Kipling, read in a wonderful real life, deep Pommy voice...And we stayed like this for hours. It was so lovely and relaxing. I feel so at comfy and "at-home" when people read me stories.
Finding a new way home which didn't involve the farmer's property was a whole new adventure! Let's just say, my legs are still screaming for mercy...but it was a very beautiful walk.
Sabbath Week is just what we all really needed I think. We have church each morning, and free time from lunch, then a night session. Excellent teachers. They're Scottish missionaries who live in Turkey. And they're pretty wise.
Friday is the LogOscars! (Get it? Logos Oscars?) Heaps of people have made short movies over the last few months to present for a LogOscar tomorrow night! We're all getting really dressed up, having a very special dinner, and watching them together...I have a feeling it's going to be a REALLY funny night!
Thanks for your emails lately. I just LOVE hearing from you. It makes my day, even when the news isn't great. I love being a part of your lives, even though I'm in Denmark, and you're Down Under...xx
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Trust
Back in January when I was on the GO conference, we had a praying day. And on that day, I got a really cool picture in my head which put "trusting God" in a crazy new light. I guess the "mind picture" was from God, unless it's just my amazing imagination (which He created anyway...). But it really flipped my perspective on life.
"Trust God"; it sounds so "Sunday School" and boring and meaningless to a kid who's grown up hearing those words a thousand times over. But picture this;
I've reached the edge of the earth; a massive cliff. I look down and there is nothing but swirling darkness. I can't even see if the drop down ever ends. God is by my side. A massive being of greatness and power and everything good. He says, "Do you trust me Beth?" I'm terrified and overwhelmed with excitement at the exact same time. I look into those eyes, and from all I know of Him so far, I KNOW I can trust Him. I nod and grin. He sweeps me up inside Himself, deep inside His deepest depths, and cradles me in His hands. "Are you ready Beth?" I know not to ask "What for?", because trusting Him means I won't always know. I nod again. And He leaps from the edge of the world! And we're falling, and my stomache's in my mouth, and I'm scared, but I have a strange sense of peace and deep excitement, because I know I'm with my King, and I trust Him completely, even though our adventure has just taken us over the side of a cliff and into a sea of swirling darkness...
How cool is that?!
The tough bit is having the wisdom to jump of the cliff "in" Him each day. That's what I've been learning since I've made it to the ships...Sometimes I choose to be my own boss for a while, and things get really messy again, then it hits me; I havn't even bothered listening to any of His quiet, awesome invitations lately! I quickly run back to the cliff, and He's waiting patiently full of grace every time...
I wish I could just get my act together and stop hurting Him. I want to be soaring through the unknown with Him every second of every day, and making Him laugh and bringing Him joy by just enjoying Him...I long for Him to be my biggest influence, cos he's my idol! My favourite company! I want to be so "under the influence" that my heart is just an extension of His! Same motives, same goals, same desires...wow. Imagine that...
Bec Scriv, lately, you've been running through my head a real lot. (You must be exhausted!) (That joke was for you Uncle Rob...) But I just want you to know that I love you and I'm behind you and God and I chat about you all the time. I pray you're going ok. God doesn't tell me much, but I have a feeling that things are tough right now. You've got everything you need to make it through girl! The King's living in you and He'll NEVER leave you or forsake you. He promised. And He NEVER breaks promises. He leaves that to us!
"Our vision is so limited, we can hardly imagine a love that does not show itself in protection from suffering. The love of God is of a different nature all together. It does not hate tragedy. It never denies reality. It stands in the very teeth of suffering. The love of God did not protect His own son. That was the proof of this love - that He gave that son; that He let him go to Calvary's cross, though "legions of angels" might have rescued him. He will not necessarily protect us - not from anything it takes to make us like His Son."
-Elizabeth Elliot
"Passion and Purity"
Go strong girl! xx
"Trust God"; it sounds so "Sunday School" and boring and meaningless to a kid who's grown up hearing those words a thousand times over. But picture this;
I've reached the edge of the earth; a massive cliff. I look down and there is nothing but swirling darkness. I can't even see if the drop down ever ends. God is by my side. A massive being of greatness and power and everything good. He says, "Do you trust me Beth?" I'm terrified and overwhelmed with excitement at the exact same time. I look into those eyes, and from all I know of Him so far, I KNOW I can trust Him. I nod and grin. He sweeps me up inside Himself, deep inside His deepest depths, and cradles me in His hands. "Are you ready Beth?" I know not to ask "What for?", because trusting Him means I won't always know. I nod again. And He leaps from the edge of the world! And we're falling, and my stomache's in my mouth, and I'm scared, but I have a strange sense of peace and deep excitement, because I know I'm with my King, and I trust Him completely, even though our adventure has just taken us over the side of a cliff and into a sea of swirling darkness...
How cool is that?!
The tough bit is having the wisdom to jump of the cliff "in" Him each day. That's what I've been learning since I've made it to the ships...Sometimes I choose to be my own boss for a while, and things get really messy again, then it hits me; I havn't even bothered listening to any of His quiet, awesome invitations lately! I quickly run back to the cliff, and He's waiting patiently full of grace every time...
I wish I could just get my act together and stop hurting Him. I want to be soaring through the unknown with Him every second of every day, and making Him laugh and bringing Him joy by just enjoying Him...I long for Him to be my biggest influence, cos he's my idol! My favourite company! I want to be so "under the influence" that my heart is just an extension of His! Same motives, same goals, same desires...wow. Imagine that...
Bec Scriv, lately, you've been running through my head a real lot. (You must be exhausted!) (That joke was for you Uncle Rob...) But I just want you to know that I love you and I'm behind you and God and I chat about you all the time. I pray you're going ok. God doesn't tell me much, but I have a feeling that things are tough right now. You've got everything you need to make it through girl! The King's living in you and He'll NEVER leave you or forsake you. He promised. And He NEVER breaks promises. He leaves that to us!
"Our vision is so limited, we can hardly imagine a love that does not show itself in protection from suffering. The love of God is of a different nature all together. It does not hate tragedy. It never denies reality. It stands in the very teeth of suffering. The love of God did not protect His own son. That was the proof of this love - that He gave that son; that He let him go to Calvary's cross, though "legions of angels" might have rescued him. He will not necessarily protect us - not from anything it takes to make us like His Son."
-Elizabeth Elliot
"Passion and Purity"
Go strong girl! xx
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